A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady
and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse and>tries
to throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is
struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness
when........
the Wal-Mart manager runs out and shuts the horse off.
3 Blondes...
A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and
says: "Do you want to hear a funny
blonde joke?" The big woman replies: "Well, before you tell me that
joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and
I'm a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting
next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional
wrestler.
And next to her is a blonde who is 6'5", weighs 245 pounds, and she is a
current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde
joke?
" The guy thinks about it a second and says: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three
times."
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news.
The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50
the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on."
Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the
5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take
it,"
says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't
think he would do it again."
A state trooper pulled a car over on a lonely back road
and approached the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there
a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!
I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree
right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was
another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there
was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side
window to the rear-view mirror, the officer replied,
"Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
Why don't blondes ever eat pickles?
Because they can't ever get their heads out the jar!
What's the difference between a smart blonde and
bigfoot?
Maybe someday, we'll find bigfoot.
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in
common?
You always hear about them, but never see one.
What do you
do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You open it
and throw it back.
One day, a group of blondes and a group of brunettes went ice
fishing on either sides of the lake. They all got settled and
started fishing. The brunettes were pulling out the fish
like crazy, while the blondes didn't even get a bite! The blondes
spent 2 hours trying to figure out what to do. Then they got it.
They sent a 'spy' over to the other side to see what the
brunettes were doing differently. So she went over there and
started thinking and watching. She sat there for an hour. Then,
she yelled 'I GOT IT!!' and ran back. When she got back, all the
other blondes asked what the brunettes were doing
differently. She said - 'They cut a hole in the
ice!!'
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink,
and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown
threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet
the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead
replied, 'I'll take that bet!' Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so
the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead
said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.' The blonde said 'No.
A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit,
I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your
money'. The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought
he'd jump again!'
A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her
neighborhood, trying to find a job.
She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had
to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint
and left.
He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife
what he had done.
"Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his
wife replied.
Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the
bucket of white paint back to the man.
The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she
finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a
Ferrari, not a Porsche."
A young woman said to her doctor, 'You have to help me, I hurt
all over.'
'What do you mean?' said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and
yelled: 'Ow, that hurts.'
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,
'Ouch! That hurts, too.'
Then she touched her right earlobe. 'Ow, even THAT hurts.'
The doctor asked the woman, 'Are you a natural blonde?'
'Why yes,' she said.
'I thought so,' said the doctor. 'You have a sprained
finger.'
Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle of Kansas
where there was nothing around for miles but wheatfields.
One blonde says, 'Look over there!'
There was another blonde wearing scuba gear and acting like
she was swimming through the wheat. The other blonde says,
'Look over there!' where there was still another blonde in a
boat. The blonde driving said, 'It's people like that that give us
blondes a bad name.' The other blonde said, 'Yeah! And if I
knew how to swim I'd go out there and beat the crap out
of them!'
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