New Jokes

Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn: 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

A group of senior citizens were exchanging complaints about their ailments. "My arm is so weak that I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad that I can't see to pour my coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."

While out one morning in the park , a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful... I had tennis elbow once."

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need." She asks, "What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"

Top 10 Signs Your Cat is Planning to Kill You! 1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden. 2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill. 3. He actually _does_ have your tongue. 4. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch. 5. Cyanide pawprints all over the house. 6. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed. 7. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip. 8. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on. 9. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper. 10. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

camp theres 1 blond,1 brunette and a redhead that are going in a competition to see which one can survive in the wilderness longer and each of them get to bring one thing.So the brunette goes home to get something and she returns with a bag of oranges, and the judge asks her why are you bringing an orange? And she sais "so if i get hungry i can eat the oranges and if i get thursty i can drink the juice" so the judge sais "ok".Next the redhead goes and returns with a huge bottle of water and the judges ask "why are you bringing water and the red head replies"so if i get thursty i can rink it.So the judges say"ok thats fine".Next its the blonde and she goes and she returns with a car door!!The judges ask "why a ca door?"And the blond replies so if i get hot i can roll down the window!!!

Zebra Why are in africa so many dead zebras? Cause people thing they are to walk over them !

moujha3lak marra kan fi wahad a3ed 3ala a3sabou am ja3lakoun

the funny homsi do you know why the homsi enters the motorcycle to the bath??? because if his diery walks he wiil ran after it.

Homsi A homsi ate a chiken leg so the chiken's socks got stocked in his mouth.