Username

Password
 
Are you a New user?
Click here to Sign up

Forget Your Password?

Why become a Member?

To view new jokes submitted by you in the past seven days

"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." --Oliver Wendell Holmes

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

 

 


Archive - Quickies

Page : 1

So Bad!
You stink so bad you make Right Guard turn left, Speed Stick slow down, Secret obvious, and Sure confused.  

3 year old son
My 3 year old son put his shoes on by himself. I noticed that they were on backwards. I said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at me with a raised brow and said " Don't kid me Mom, I KNOW they're my feet!"  

Amusing Irrelevant Facts
Amusing Irrelevant Facts 1.Walter Cavanaugh, "Mr.
Plastic Fantastic," has 1,196 different valid credit cards.
2. The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age.
Its name was Fred.
3. In 1987, a 1,400-year-old lump of still-edible cheese was unearthed inIreland.
4. There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo.
5. In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time areteenagers.
6. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
7. If an orangutan belches at you, watch out.
He's warning you to stay out of his territory.
8. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine.
His parents thought he might be retarded.
9. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
10. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
11.In 1984, a New Jersey man opened a summer camp for Cabbage Patch dolls.
12. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in any other weather.
13. How can you tell when a gorilla is angry? It sticks its tongue out.
14. According to one poll, nearly 3/4 of all American women wear a bra that is the wrong size.
15. In 1976, a Los Angeles secretary formally married her 50-pound pet rock.
16. The first sperm banks opened in 1964; they were located in Tokyo and Iowa City.
17. In 1980, the Yellow Pages accidentally listed a Texas funeral home under frozen foods.
18. Cold showers actually increase sexual arousal.
19. 200 college students streaked at the same time in Boulder, CO in 1974.
20. In 1977, a 13-year-old boy discovered a tooth growing on his left foot.
21. In 1983, a Japanese artist made a copy of the Mona Lisa completely out of toast.
22. In the early '80s, a toad was discovered that meows instead of croaking.
23. In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting ad space on his cows.
24. About 96% of all American children can recognize Ronald McDonald.
25. An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
26. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
27. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
28. The average human has seven sex fantasies in a day.
29. The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.
3 million.
30. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
31.A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.
p.
h.
32. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.
33. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000B.
C.
34. Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.
35. America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.
36.% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.
37.When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.
38. In 1681, the last dodo bird died.
39. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
40. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
 

Judge
The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones ,do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" "I do." "Now what do you say to defend yourself?" "Your Honor, under those limitations... nothing."  

A doctor
A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems." The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health." The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife you can go to the office and do some work."  

If
If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL.
If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT.
If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL.
If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.  

A farmer
A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel's clerk about the time of meals. "Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk. "Look here," inquired the farmer in surprise, "when am I going to get time to see the city?"  

people
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.  

pictures
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailman could look for them while they delivered the mail?  

Doctor
Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?" Nurse: "No change yet."  

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
  
  | Home | Jokes By Category | Funny quotes | Funny Law |
  | Quickies | Arabic jokes | Comics | By the people | Feedback|

  Tel: +961 1 973600 - Fax: +961 1 973603
  Copyright c 2002, Terravision Lebanon s.a.l
  All Rights Reserved.