|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Page : 1
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
HOW GUYS SELECT THE GIRL THEY WANT TO MARRY:
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and
watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint
account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she
loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts. Men are Men.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Genie's Lamp
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So... what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map
again."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Happy New Year!
It was the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I would taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store it was less a walk than a lumber.
I remembered the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "None for me, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
I said to myself, as only I can
"You can't spend another winter disguised as a man!"
So -- away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie -- not even a lick.
I'll chew only on long celery sticks.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, life's no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
|
|
|
|
